Saturday Night

It's strange being stuck in that in-between phase of being a teenager and becoming a young adult. Because I chose to drop out of school a year early and pursue my passions in the real world, I've felt an intense pressure to grow up really fast. This feeling of pressure comes mostly from myself, I know that the people around me don't have crazy expectations and they'll love and support me no matter what. But the standard I set for myself this year was pretty high.

I guess I didn't want to leave school to simply work at a cafe or supermarket (not that that's a bad thing). But I was well aware that I'd be cutting my childhood short by a year and possibly losing some of the friendships I cared deeply about. So, I knew that if I was going to leave all that behind and drop out it needed to be for a really good reason. I am proud of what I've achieved this year and I've even surprised myself with how productive I can be if I put my mind to something. I've learnt how to enjoy my own company again and be okay with solitude. I've learnt how to hustle and get my name out there, even if it involves stepping way out of my comfort zone. And I've learnt how to make money from doing what I love, for now at least.

But, there are still some days where I truly miss just being a teenager. I know that I'm still only seventeen but I almost feel guilty for doing normal teenage things now like going out on a Saturday night. Because in my mind it's not productive or moving towards completing a goal of mine. It's been so difficult to balance this new found love for being on my own and getting shit done with keeping up friendships from school. But I know that it's important and I feel so much better when there's a balance.

I saw my friends on Saturday night and it felt great to feel like a teenager again. I let myself have fun and not worry about the repercussions of having a late night, for once. It's nice to know that although I'm not physically at school anymore I can still fit back into my group and my friends still accept me. It might seem like I've changed a lot, to those I was close to in school. But in reality, I think this is what I was always like, I just somewhat suppressed it at school. My inner nosy side came out on Saturday night and went on a photo rampage, as River's house was full of many amazing 60's decorations and furniture pieces. I even had a good chat with his mum about her home decor. Some people probably find that weird, but that's my idea of balance.

I guess my point is that I'm finally accepting, after nearly six months of going it alone that I don't need to be one or the other. I can still go to parties and have fun as a teenager and then get work done and be creative as the young adult that I'm becoming.

Bella 🌼